![]() Social media has given everyone a virtual megaphone to broadcast every thought, along with the means to filter out any contrary view. Giving a TED Talk or commencement speech is living the dream. The very image of success and power today is someone miked up, prowling around a stage or orating from behind a podium. We can get a doctorate in speech communication enjoying clubs like Toastmasters to perfect your public speaking, but there is no comparable degree or training emphasising or encouraging the practice of listening. It is striking then that high schools and colleges have the debating teams and courses in rhetoric and persuasion but they seldom, if ever, have classes or activities that teach careful listening. It is fundamental to any successful relationship – personal, professional, and political. Calvin Coolidge famously said “no man ever listened himself out of a job.“ It is only by listening that we engage, understand, connect, empathise, and develop as human beings. Wars have been fought, friendships wrecked for a lack of listening. ![]() And yet, listening is arguably more valuable than speaking. Value is placed on what you project, not what you absorb. Online and in person, it’s all about defining yourself, shaping your narrative, and staying on message. Instead, we are engaged in a dialogue of the deaf, often talking over one another a cocktail parties, work meetings, or even family dinners groomed as we are to lead the conversation rather than follow it. In modern life, we are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people. When was the last time you listened to someone? Really listened? Without thinking about what you wanted to say next, glancing down at your phone, or jumping in to offer your opinion? When was the last time someone really listened to you? Was so attentive to what you were saying and their response was so spot on that you felt truly understood? Listening is how we stay connected to one another as the pages turn in our lives. Listening is about the experience of being experienced. Listening is not about teaching, shaping, critiquing, appraising, or showing how it should be done. Outcomes will be a lot better if we spend the time to listen. Also, if you rely on listening for your job, such as an investigator, salesman, journalist, podcast host etc this is a must read. Who Should Read It?Īnyone that wants more meaningful human connections. Having only recently been published, it had received excellent reviews and interest. This was on the JP Morgan Summer 2020 reading list. The book, in a gentle fashion, explores why we are not that great at listening and teaches how to become better at it. The book, beautifully put together, is a story of anecdotes from Kate's journalism, scientific studies, and stories about why we should do some more listening. I was initially unsure of how there could be over 200 pages worth of things to say about listening - how wrong I was. It is also easier than ever before to pick up our phones, become distracted and over exert our opinions. Modern life seems designed to down play the role of listening, instead it is all about 'shaping your narrative'. Listening gives us the deep, meaningful connection we are after in life. ![]() There is more value to listening than what we may originally perceive. We gloss over it, deemphasising the impact it could have, focusing on improving our speaking instead. We don't realise how important listening is to our lives. Inspiringly profound.You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy. When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected. Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others. Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. On social media, we shape our personal narratives.Īt parties, we talk over one another. This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever.Īt work, we're taught to lead the conversation. When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? 'BRILLIANT' Chris Evans, Virgin Radio Breakfast Show
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